First, I decided to experiment with this new Satan Bug thing going around. It’s essentially a near death experience. When it strikes, you pretty much lie down wherever you are and you stay there for 2-3 days until Stage One passes. During this stage, you can’t get up even if you’re on fire. Nyquil is your friend. In Stage Two, you get to enjoy the “Exhaustion Experience”™, which feels a bit like being a union worker. Essentially, you feel great unless you try to move. If you try to move or do any work, then you will become instantly exhausted and find yourself lying there suffering again. But if you do nothing, then you feel great. That explains why Detroit is such a mess.
When I awoke from my coma, I awoke to discover a strange world. Our whiny peacenik friends on the left seemed to be planning a war with Russia over our historic ally... the Ukraine. Wha?!! Hillary Clinton was comparing Mr. Reset-Button Putin to Hitler. Obama was calling Putin names and wasn’t even on a golf course when he did it. Ted Cruz endorsed John Cornyn. And Harry Reid voted against an Obama appointee to the Justice Department Civil Rights Division just because this decent fellow defended a cop killer. Outrageous! Obama was so enraged by this that he issued a press release which misspelled his own nominee’s name... and threatened greater sanctions against Reid than he promised against Putin.
But it all made sense once the haze cleared. Obama has a tiny penis and thus he’s a bully and he doesn’t like people like Putin (or Reid) making him look bad. So his attacks on Putin were his ego lashing out, screaming, “Don’t mock my small d*ck, honkeys!” And true to form, he quickly settled back into an impotent posture. Hillary lashed out because she wants to run for President and boldly attacking Putin was a freebie. Cruz endorsed Cornyn because the Tea Party candidates he endorsed all over Texas got crushed and he doesn’t want anyone to remember that. Reid voted against this cop killer-lover because eight other Democrats needed to vote no because they are in tight races and his vote made that possible. So it all makes sense... blatant image manufacturing all around!
Speaking of image, I almost died of flabbergast when I saw the Buccaneers’ new uniforms:
Next, I found myself hooked on Storage Wars. Storage Wars is a show with no redeeming qualities and you know they’re faking half of it just to be entertaining, but I’ll be damned if it’s not super addictive. I can’t tell you why, but it is.
Finally, there’s this. I was finally back to about 95% earlier this week, but I took a couple extra days for something I had planned in advance. I got engaged. :D Yep. I’m getting married to a wonderful women with two amazing daughters (8 and 10). It’s been a fascinating experience to discover all the kids-friendly stuff all around us that we never notice. Every restaurant, every store, every etc. has a secret underworld of kids menus, cups with hats, and videogame setups hidden in plain sight in the corner. It’s amazing. As an adult, you really can't see any of this. But kids, they see all of it. I think they also get a newsletter, but I'm not sure. The whole thing is a bit like The Matrix. As an aside, at some point, I should explain Chuck-E-Cheese to you. What an amazing setup!
Anyway, hope you all had nice weeks. It’s good to be back.